


Conflicted

by pallysuune



Series: The Son of Tirragen [5]
Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Angst, Gen, I'm awful with tags, Mind Manipulation, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21762520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallysuune/pseuds/pallysuune
Summary: When Alex hears that Roger has returned from the dead, he races back to Corus, needing to see it for himself. But he doesn't know how to feel about it when he finally sees his former Master again.
Relationships: Alexander of Tirragen/Roger of Conté
Series: The Son of Tirragen [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1511654
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Conflicted

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey look, I'm back. Have some more Alex angst.

He hadn’t gone off on the grand journey to find the Dominion Jewel with Alanna. She’d asked him to come along with her, but he’d declined. When she’d become a knight and Roger had died, they both had run away from their pasts, going together and finding some solace in the fact that they weren’t alone. Maybe that was what they’d both needed then. Alex needed the reminder that he was still human, and Alanna needed someone to respect her despite the reveal of her gender. Which Alex most certainly did. Her gender didn’t change the fact that she was damned good with a sword, which she proved again and again during sparring matches with him. 

But time went on and what they both needed changed too. Alanna wanted to go off on this amazing, legendary adventure to find a fairy tale, and Alex didn’t. He needed to get back on his own two feet, without someone else to keep him propped up. So he declined the offer to go with her to Maren, giong to Port Caynn instead. He remained there, assisting the Provost’s men with the security of the city. That was where he was when a letter addressed to him from Gary delivered news that turned everything on his head. 

Roger of Conte was alive. 

Alex had never ridden to Corus so quickly in his life. 

He’d _thought_ he had managed to come to terms with Roger’s death, even if his lingering feelings for the man, the mess of conflicting emotions he tried his best not to think about, remained unresolved, but in only a few moments, all of that had been ripped apart. He had to see him. He had to see it with his own eyes. 

Still, when he reached the capital, he suddenly wasn’t sure he was actually ready to. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about it. About Roger. About himself. 

He stopped just inside the courtyard of the palace, his heart beating fast. He wasn’t sure he was ready for what he would find inside those walls. A servant had come out to take his horse and was staring up at him questioningly, clearly wondering why he hadn’t gotten down yet. Alex realized belatedly that he was being stared at and looked down at the young man. He looked down at him, then carefully slid down from his saddle, turning the reins over to the younger man to let him do his work. With nothing else for it, he headed inside. 

Like many noble houses, Tirragen had a suite of rooms in the palace, and Alex headed straight for them. Off balance, he still felt unsure if he was ready to go find Roger just yet. Getting a moment to collect himself seemed like a better choice at the moment. As he headed up a side stairway, though, the option was taken out of his hands, as he saw the very man he had both come for and was avoiding coming down the stairs going opposite him. Alex froze, his stomach dropping. His heart hammered as his eyes met Roger’s. 

He looked… amazing. In a way that was completely and utterly unnatural. He looked so much like he had the day he died. The same dark hair. The same fair skin. The same brilliant eyes. His clothing was less pristine than Alex was used to seeing with him, but he was quite certainly far from dead. His mind raced as he looked up at the other man, remembering watching him die, remembering feeling the rough stone of his grave plaque under his fingers. It felt surreal, like it was a dream. Or perhaps a nightmare. 

Roger stopped just a few steps above him, tilting his head slightly as he looked at Alex. A small, privately amused smirk pulled at his lips. “It’s good to see you, Alex. But you don’t seem quite so happy to see me…?”

Alex blinked, snapped suddenly out of his thoughts by the familiar voice. He swallowed hard. “Of course I am - “ he started, speaking on instinct, then stopped. Was he? After everything that Roger had done, could he truly be happy to see him? A part of him was, in a strange way. Roger had been his first love, and a part of that remained. But he couldn’t overlook everything that had been done, either. All the manipulation and magic. 

As his silence drew on, Roger arched a brow at him. “Are you?” 

Alex swallowed hard. His brows furrowed slightly. At length, he finally said, “It’s been a long ride to get here, I think I’d like to retire to my rooms.” 

With a thin smile, Roger moved to the side of the stairwell, sweeping an arm in invitation for Alex to procede past him. The younger man bit his lip, then nodded politely, continuing up the stairs. When he drew level with him, Roger spoke again. 

“We were quite close once. I hope we might be again.” 

“Things will never be what they once were,” Alex answered, his voice soft. There was a note of sadness there, a strange sort of loss that filled his chest at the thought of how things once were. Sometimes, he wished he’d never learned the truth. Would he have been happier then? Would he have been content in his ignorance?

“Never say never, Alexander.” Roger’s voice was equally soft, but Alex couldn’t recognize the tone woven through it. He’d thought once that he knew Roger well, but it was becoming clear now that he had never really known him at all. He stopped and looked at him, so close in the confines of the stairwell. Even risen from the dead, there was a draw to him, a chemistry between them that Alex struggled to ignore. The way just being near him had his heart beating hard again. 

He drew a breath and let it out slowly, shuddering slightly. “Good evening, Roger,” he murmured. 

The smile Roger gave him was knowing and dark. “Until we meet again.” 

It took a lot of effort for Alex to continue up the stairwell and not look back.


End file.
